Dear 16-year-old Sarah,
So you just had your first heartbreak…
I’m sorry you’re hurting. I’m sorry he treated you that way & said the things he did. I’m sorry you’re taking his words to heart. I’m sorry you think this is you’re fault & that you’re blaming yourself & replaying where you & only you went wrong. I’m sorry he’s consuming so much of your thoughts & time.
Most of all… I’m sorry you’ve yet to discover all the doors opening from the one door he slammed shut.
Thankfully, I can promise you this is the last time (for a while, at least) that you will ever feel so low.
(If it makes you feel any better, you didn’t miss out on anything, he did. He turns out to not be your type… So instead of crying & giving him the amount of power over you that you sadly do, you should be thanking him.)
Because he let you go, you’re now free to be 100% yourself! To find someone who really cherishes you & sees the wonderful person you are… (Cause trust me, you really are one-of-a-kind). He also taught you that it’s a damn good thing to be picky about who you let in… Whether it be potential boyfriends or even just friends.
Don’t you dare change your personality, Sarah! Don’t change your sense of humor or the way you style your hair. Don’t change the way you laugh or how much you talk (sadly, that last part never changes. But it’s okay. You’ll come to find that your big, outgoing, smiley mouth is what draws people to you, trust me.) Want to make a change? Change how easily you trust.
While you’re busy moping around over señor douchebag… There are a few things I want to suggest you do.
1) Workout. I’m not saying live at the gym, but even a nice breezy walk or lifting some weights will help change your mood & help you de-stress. Trust me, girl, it works wonders for your overall health & state of mind. 🙏
2) Find hobbies you enjoy. They’ll keep you busy… You need to spend time doing things you enjoy right now.
3) Take some time for yourself. Don’t jump back into hanging with friends right away. When you feel the need to be alone, be.
4) Let yourself be happy. Yes, conditions & events do mold your emotions, but make happiness your state of mind. Wake up with a touch of optimism & positivity. Get your mind right.
5) Cry. It feels good. It doesn’t mean you’re weak, it means you feel. DUH.
6) DON’T creep on his Facebook. You don’t needta see his business & he sure as hell shouldn’t be snooping in yours. Those days are over. For now.
7) Remember it’s his loss, not yours. Him leaving was truly a favor. If anything, it benefited you.
8) Enjoy your youth. When people say you’re young, you really are young. REALLY young. 50 years from now is a different story…
9) He was you first love. He won’t be your last.
10) Everyone has to go through heartbreak & breakups. Hurt, feel it, then grow. One day you’ll look back trying to remember what you ever saw in him in the first place.
(Years later…You’re still trying to figure that out.)
11) He didn’t break up with you cause you’re “hideous” & “boring” (God knows you’re anything but boring, crazy girl…) Get that outta your head. He broke up with you cause he’s a 19 year old male & you wouldn’t put out… & I am so proud of you for that, Sarah. I’m proud of you.
12) Clean your freaking room. As much as you hate cleaning… Somewhere deep (way, way, WAY deep) inside, it’s therapeutic.
13) You’ll come to find that after every breakup or life changing event, you rearrange your room… This is the first time it comes into play. Enjoy!
14) Buy yourself flowers. You deserve it. 😘
15) Focus on school. Seriously. You need to. You’re so smart but you’re spending way too much time with the wrong people. Regroup. Take the time & energy you’re putting into missing him & hanging with these people… & redirect it towards your education (& especially that GPA, yikes). You have such potential… I know how much you want to give up & how most of the things you’re learning are irrelevant & don’t make sense… Stick with it. Your scholarship will pay for your first two years of college & then some.
Believe me now?
16) Don’t ever give someone the satisfaction of you begging for their attention or affection. Women never beg. You’ll never do this again, I promise you that. If they want to go, let them. You don’t need anyone who doesn’t need you, my dear. You’re worth fighting for.
Yeah, you’ll miss them, temporarily… & then you’ll forget their names… & they’ll continue kicking themselves & missing you. They frequently tell you so. You’ll be polite & say you miss them too… You’re lying.
17) Stop. STOP. Honestly. Take a breath. What did he ever do for you? Any decent human being wouldn’t let you go so easily, especially in the manner he did. He’s 19. What do you think the odds were of you two actually working out?
18) Don’t become who hurt you. That’s one pointer you’ve known all along. Keep that mentality.
PS: You’ll become friends again years later after he apologizes to you… But you’ll never feel for him again.
(He misses you. He still wonders “what if”. He regrets leaving. You haven’t thought about him in years. Safe to say you came out on top.)
From this one, you only get a lesson, not the man… But it’s a lesson that ultimately molds who you become. Without him, you’d be a little more weak, a lot more eager & dependent on another human being & a whole lot insecure. But listen to me, girly… Don’t you EVER allow yourself to be propped up by another. No one will ever be as sturdy for you as you can be for yourself.
Someday you’ll learn to love yourself… It’s a process, but you’ll get there…
Know that I love & value you.
Each day is a new day to get it right… Make it happen, kid. You’re going places.