Double Texting

(PSA: Entirely written from a female-perspective since I’ve never been a male, yet have gathered they don’t always think as into things as most of us tend do… Or so I’ve experienced.)

 

You know what makes me laugh?

 
Dating.

I’m not talking about relationships… More so the stage before a relationship where you’re flirting with some cutie at the bar & swap numbers. & that’s the moment all the questions start popping in your head.
“Was he really as interested in me as he seemed?” “Should I text him first?” “Should I wait to get in touch with him?”
…”I bet he gives everyone his number.”
Anywho, you start chatting, things seem great, days worth of these easy back-and-forth convos… & then it happens…

HE. DOESN’T. RESPOND.

Great. So now you feel you’ve “lost” him (though in reality, you never really HAD him… Yet, at least).

 

You debate with yourself. “Do I double text? Do I let it go? Will he be in touch? If he doesn’t get in touch by 10PM tonight, should I reach out? But will I look desperate?!” You ask your friends, your mama, your sister, your friend’s second cousin’s former step brother’s girlfriend…

Honestly (& thankfully), I think I’ve only experienced anxiety about a guy not texting me back once, maybe twice, when I was like 16. Other than that, I’ve just always been around friends & randoms who’ve talked about it. But I DO remember the feeling.

 

 

(Looking back, I probably SHOULD have cared… Just a tiny bit more, at least. I’m absolutely sure I annoyed guys in the past [I’m guilty of having a hard time getting all my thoughts out in one text. Sometimes my wittiness decides to show itself 5 seconds post-initial text… & I just HAVE to say it cause I don’t know when I’ll be funny again]… But they annoyed me too by not responding! On the flip side, there were also several times when I was the one who didn’t respond. Early on, a double text is okay, but don’t quadruple it. That really is annoying. Calm yourself. I’ll respond… But maybe a little slower now since my phone won’t stop dinging & flashing your name… MOVING ON)…

Once you’re in a relationship, it’s a different story (especially when you’re approx. 4-6 months in). You’re feeling pretty secure, life is good, you’re super close to your S.O.

 
Being in an exclusive relationship gives you all the power in the world to double text, triple text, quadruple text, ETC!

If I’m chatting with my man & he stops responding (usually he’s either: working, sleeping, cooking, playing video games, hanging out with friends/family or showering—cause he’s obsessed with long showers, bless him)… I will text him 10 times, I don’t even care. What’s he gonna do? LEAVE me? Over the occasional excessive text?! Ha! HE LOVES ME. I can do whatever I want!!!!! –> (within reason) <—

& THAT, my friends, is power.

 

& sometimes my back-to-back texts to him won’t even be in regards to the same things. 😏

 

Again, flip side… I’m not clutching my phone in hopes he’ll promptly return my text & being anxiety ridden until he does, thinking of all the “stupid” things I just sent him. 84% of our conversations are stupid, I’m not really trying to “woo” him anymore… Doesn’t mean I don’t try to make sure our love stays strong, just that he knows & loves me enough to not leave me cause I send him two text messages in a row. I can’t help that when something funny or amazing happens, HE IS THE ONE I WANT TO TELL.

 

The beauty of relationships, people. Freedom of speech in abundance.

 

(I have ZERO advice in this post. Just really acknowledging the fact that if something were to ever happen & my fella & I split… I’d be screwed in the dating pool cause I have ZERO self control when it comes to holding back & strategically timed/spaced texts & conversations.)
Amen.

THIS IS ME.

This is me. The REAL me. 100% unfiltered, non-dolled up, haven’t even brushed my hair after showering…me.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

To post something like this, opening myself to criticism (even from myself) is a very difficult thing for me to do. But it’s honest.

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For as long as I can remember, my confidence & self image has been non-existent. The amount of self-doubt & self-HATE that I possessed for myself was so unhealthy to the point I cut off people I loved & who loved me because I didn’t feel worthy. I would avoid going anywhere, even to the grocery store, cause I was humiliated for people to have to see me.

I hated myself. I hated the “skin” I live in.

I gained a massive amount of weight in a short period of time from a hormone issue/endocrine disorder that consumed me & my mind for 12 years.

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But now, in this place of my life, I’ve come to love my crazy, wild hair that grows so slowly. I’ve come to not care about my thin eyebrows (they’re just that… Eyebrows). I’ve come to accept my knock-knees I inherited from my beautiful mama… & my “Lebanese nose”. I’ve come to realize that having uneven skin is just a part of life. I’ve come to the point where I don’t care that my thighs & “bat wings” jiggle cause I am beyond blessed to have properly working arms & legs. My belly is squishy, I’m pale, & I have cellulite on my thighs.

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But ya know what…?

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I love myself BECAUSE I am perfectly imperfect.

I LOVE MYSELF because I have a heart of gold. I love myself because I’m surrounded by amazing people who wouldn’t be there if I weren’t worth loving. I love myself because I was made by the King of Kings… The great I AM. I love myself because it’s too exhausting to kick myself down any more. I LOVE myself cause I now realize the things I once hated about myself are the very things that set me apart… That make me unique… That make me, ME.

 

I REFUSE to be so hard on myself. I REFUSE to think negative thoughts about who I am & especially what I look like. I REFUSE to let the people I love think I don’t hear them or that I’m not listening when they tell me I look beautiful… Or when they tell me they love me… Or when they try to remind me that I’m smart, gifted, & kind.
I refuse to hurt them by hating myself.
Why people put so much emphasis on looks, I will never understand… It has caused so many people to think less of themselves for not fitting this mold… It has caused ME to think less of myself.

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These things I hated for years about myself are NOT SO BAD. They’re not the end of the world.

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Hating yourself, telling yourself you CAN’T do something, that you’re not good enough, & being your own worst enemy… THAT is what’s bad. THAT will be your downfall.
So as nice as it is to hear people tell you they love you, I want YOU to look in the mirror & tell that person looking back at you that you love them… That they are valuable… That they are capable of anything they want to do with their life & that NO superficial “beauty standard” will EVER take away from their natural beauty.

This is easily the most revealing & hardest thing I’ve ever shared… But it has also been the most invigorating.
Love yourself. Believe in yourself. & most importantly, forgive yourself for not doing so sooner. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

xx.

WOW.

BIG realization about the generation of “baby boomers”.

They’re so quick to bash the younger generations… While in reality, we are the ones who grew up with technology, we don’t know a world without it … Which naturally gives us the upper hand in the working world. They wonder why we aren’t freaking out as they are & assume it’s cause we’re not working as hard , but really, we’re just better at multitasking & don’t get overwhelmed as easily… So we’re able to get more done… Resulting in a less stressful environment.

We are the generation(s) that SEEK out answers. We have Google & YouTube at our fingertips & know how to use em (& have no problem using these resources)… That doesn’t mean we aren’t efficient, if anything, we are MORE efficient.

We often hear we have no work ethic, that we’re lazy… Nah, we’re just capable of juggling more than you. Stop being afraid to give credit where it’s due in fear of it making you look bad… Cause us “young people” are going to be the ones to take your jobs & make them more advanced… Cause that’s what it’s all about anyway, right? So we’re right on track… (: Please do not be upset or offended. PROGRESS IS ALWAYS A GOOD THING.

(NOTE: This isn’t ALL of the younger generations [believe me, I’m not naive… I DO know plenty of lazy people/people expecting things to be handed to them]… & it’s not all of the baby boomers [FOR EXAMPLE: Anyone who has ever met my dad, you’ll know that man is one of the hardest working guys I have EVER met in my entire life… & he’s resilient], just many of the ones I’ve ever come across & heard about…)

Happy Pay It Forward Friday!

  

(I just made that up… Kinda nice though, right?!)

Anywho, I woke up this morning longing for nothing more than, you guessed it, Starbucks.

While, as a Christ-following woman, I’m supposedly upset with the company (since apparently like 2 upset Christians speak for the entire group of people now & have the power to cause such an uproar when, in reality, no one gives a crap- yet for some reason others bought into it, thus milking the publicity stunt to bring the overpriced coffee chain even MORE of the big bucks- any who…), I drove my booty to the one place that could quench my killer craving. 

While in line at the drive-thru, I couldn’t help but feel like an idiot when I was more than willing to pay $5, five dollars… FIVE stinking DOLLARS (& 7 cents) for a mediocre cup of cappuccino… But I was, so I ordered. & I waited. (I can’t even justify why I spend so much on it… So I’m just gonna move along.)

Eagerly, I pulled up to the window with the Starbucks app open on my phone & ready to pay. And what does the barista tell me? “Your order was paid for by the woman in front of you. So you are good to go!”

My first thought: “Wow! Really??? That was really kind of her…”

My second thought: “Poor thing had no idea she was gonna havta dish out an extra $5… Maybe $4 & some change (we are at Starbucks, after all)… But not $5… That is a really good woman. Bless her.”

In result, it inspired me to pay for the persons drink behind me (since I like to think that’s how this whole thing works)… Which ended up being some kinda tea for only $2.74…(I kinda feel guilty since theirs was so cheap… But was still nice to know they would be surprised pulling up to the window… All I can hope is that they felt as pleasantly surprised at a strangers kindness as I did… & kept it going).

Short story LONG… My way-too-expensive coffee was 3x as good. (: It’s nice to receive… But it’s even nicer to give in hopes the chain continues…

I hope the sweet lady in front of me (or whoever started the “kindness chain”) has someone do the same for them. (: It made my day.

I Love (HATE) The Gym

Do you ever get that urge to go to the gym cause you’re tired of being fat & out of shape? Oh, all the time? Yeah, me too.

Here’s the story. I’ve been struggling with getting the “body of my dreams” for almost 10 years. 10 YEARS. TEN YEARS. Have I succeeded? No. Am I almost there? No. Have I ever succeeded or almost been there? Yes! Okay… No.

I have a syndrome that caused me to gain a substantial amount of weight in a short period of time. Doctor after doctor told me it would be very difficult to lose… My metabolism was compared to the tortoise in that Tortoise & the Hare story. I was depressed about it for a very long time… But do you know what depression does? NOTHING. Except make you FATTER (okay, maybe that’s just me… I like to eat! I can’t help it). But do you know what happens at the end of The Tortoise & The Hare?
THE TORTOISE WINS!

So… Therefore, I have decided that I’m going to win.

Rewind back to the beginning where I told you I have struggled with this incredibly loonnngggg journey of mine in the search for my beautifully sculpted bod. It’s simple really.

Let me tell you why. Most days, the gym is my own personal hell. I love it because I know what fitness can do for me. I know that exercise is great for my body, mind, & soul (or so that’s what all the fitness magazines & online articles that consume my Facebook newsfeed tell me)… But I also know that the elliptical kicks my ass. I know that my arms are tired from doing weights & my knees feel like toothpicks during lunges. I know that the girl in front of me on the treadmill was born with that figure that I’m envious of (you know… the one who shrinks right back up after she has had a baby like nothing ever happened… Like she didn’t just push a watermelon out of her tiny self. C’mon!) I know that I can do a whopping 5 push-ups (Fine… 5 of the “girl ones”).  I know that this Guido (Is that still a thing? Can I still use that word?) ridden place, along with a healthy (boring) change in how much I choose to consume & what I choose to feast on, can give me the healthy lifestyle the majority of us seek.

So, here I am… Week 4 of my change. This is approximately the 72nd “Week 4” I’ve ever had in an attempt to get fit, just so you know. But that’s beside the point.

I want it this time. Not for some guy… Not in hopes of living a life like those perfect characters on Gossip Girl (whom I love dearly)… Not for a job or cause it’s annoying being the chunky chick on a night out with friends… But I want it for me. I want to be healthy & have a banging body. I don’t want to look pregnant or feel like a kangaroo whenever I wear a damn romper. I want to prove my doctors wrong.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s hard. I know that. This is probably the most difficult challenge I’ve ever signed up for… But it’s one I don’t want to quit this time. I don’t want to walk away. I don’t want to give up cause it’s hard. I want to work for it & not give up when my body wants to shut down.

& I’m going do it.

Watch me.

“Because at the end of the day, I’m doing it for me.”

I’m Late

Okay, that didn’t come out right.

What I meant is I’m literally late, tardy, not there (anywhere) on time … ALL THE TIME.

The only thing consistent about me is the fact that I will never be where you’ve asked or expected me to be at the time you tell me to be there… Heck, probably not even at the time I tell you I’ll be there.

Weddings, work, dinner date, movie, even a night in… I WON’T BE THERE ON TIME.

Bridal shower is at 1? Oh, that’s great… Except for it’s the bridal shower at MY house that I’m throwing for MY best friend… & I’m still rolling in around 1:30 (& that’s only if I’m rushing).

This is by far one of my absolute worst qualities. I’ve tried working on it. I set more alarms than a prison in full lockdown. I use entire sticky note pads as reminders for one event. I set alert after alert in my phone. Try to prepare the night before. Plan my time accordingly so I can leave my house (or wherever I am) & arrive at the destination at the proper time.

No. No. NO.

It doesn’t work (cause I’m difficult).

So I feel like I should simply apologize. Not for being late (cause I’ve probably already done that several times & I will do it again, several times) but for that little sense of anger/annoyance/agitation that I continually never fail to cause to erupt inside of you…

All I ask is:

To my past, present & future employers… I will rock your world with my crazy (unique) & free-spirited work ethic… & I will piss you off with my lateness. Please keep me around, I’m worth it! In reality, it’s just less time you have to pay me for… So, you’re welcome. 

& all you others, at the end of the day… Please remember you DO love me, hence why you asked to spend time with me in the first place BEFORE my “tardy texts” got out of hand.

What Image Are You Really Portraying?

Today, my brother’s & I were discussing dating/relationships in general in this day in age.


We were talking about how shallow many relationships have become. How people are jumping into matrimony with no sense of “team”, selflessness, humbleness, or true meaning of sacrifice that a marriage requires.


Last but not least, we were talking about how “stupid” girls have become.


(Now, before I continue, we are well aware there are many immature guys out there with little-to-no self control, nor true respect for women.)


I was telling them how I’ve heard several times from ladies how they’re “so done” cause of the way “he” treated them. Yet, that very girl slept with him repetitively since the first week & never consistently gave him anything to respect.


Again, I’m not condoning the male behavior, but I am saying that I am well aware of how easy girls have become.


We want attention & will do anything to get it.  We are so thrilled to get him looking our way that any hint of interest from the male species keeps us hanging on, even if it’s negative attention & an unhealthy situation.



Now, this is my stance on the topic. I was curious for the male perspective to see if guys could genuinely like & respect a female who throws herself at them/”plays games”/waits on them hand & foot/is so willing to wait around on them to be “ready” to jump into a committed relationship but will sleep with them in the meantime cause, you know, he really likes you & all… 😏

Their response: “A lot of our guy friends have said how dumb & easy girls have become these days.”

They went on to explain how guys are well-aware of the crazy crap girls pull & how even when they say they’re “done” & “leaving”… That they’ll be back.

So, ladies… You havta give people something to respect. Wanna know why most guys are “douche bags” & get away with it? CAUSE GIRL’S STILL GO FOR THEM & don’t mind being treated a certain way cause they get the guy.

Guys don’t have to be gentlemen anymore cause the female population (not all, just most) will still fall for them. Look for the one who is a gentleman & treats you like a queen cause he wants to & (to a degree) HAS to cause you demand that kind of respect & loyalty. Stay classy.

Don’t give it all up, walk away & then come right back to him & keep wondering why he doesn’t wanna commit to you.

Is it him treating you like crap? Or you allowing him to treat you like crap?

HELLO.

Think on it.