Dear Me…

Dear 16-year-old Sarah,


So you just had your first heartbreak…


I’m sorry you’re hurting. I’m sorry he treated you that way & said the things he did. I’m sorry you’re taking his words to heart. I’m sorry you think this is you’re fault & that you’re blaming yourself & replaying where you & only you went wrong. I’m sorry he’s consuming so much of your thoughts & time.

Most of all… I’m sorry you’ve yet to discover all the doors opening from the one door he slammed shut.


Thankfully, I can promise you this is the last time (for a while, at least) that you will ever feel so low.

(If it makes you feel any better, you didn’t miss out on anything, he did. He turns out to not be your type… So instead of crying & giving him the amount of power over you that you sadly do, you should be thanking him.)

Because he let you go, you’re now free to be 100% yourself! To find someone who really cherishes you & sees the wonderful person you are… (Cause trust me, you really are one-of-a-kind). He also taught you that it’s a damn good thing to be picky about who you let in… Whether it be potential boyfriends or even just friends. 

Don’t you dare change your personality, Sarah! Don’t change your sense of humor or the way you style your hair. Don’t change the way you laugh or how much you talk (sadly, that last part never changes.  But it’s okay. You’ll come to find that your big, outgoing, smiley mouth is what draws people to you, trust me.) Want to make a change? Change how easily you trust.

While you’re busy moping around over señor douchebag… There are a few things I want to suggest you do.


1) Workout. I’m not saying live at the gym, but even a nice breezy walk or lifting some weights will help change your mood & help you de-stress. Trust me, girl, it works wonders for your overall health & state of mind. 🙏

2) Find hobbies you enjoy. They’ll keep you busy… You need to spend time doing things you enjoy right now.

3) Take some time for yourself. Don’t jump back into hanging with friends right away. When you feel the need to be alone, be.

4) Let yourself be happy. Yes, conditions & events do mold your emotions, but make happiness your state of mind. Wake up with a touch of optimism & positivity. Get your mind right.

5) Cry. It feels good. It doesn’t mean you’re weak, it means you feel. DUH.

6) DON’T creep on his Facebook. You don’t needta see his business & he sure as hell shouldn’t be snooping in yours. Those days are over. For now.

7) Remember it’s his loss, not yours. Him leaving was truly a favor. If anything, it benefited you.

8) Enjoy your youth. When people say you’re young, you really are young. REALLY young. 50 years from now is a different story…

9) He was you first love. He won’t be your last.

10) Everyone has to go through heartbreak & breakups. Hurt, feel it, then grow. One day you’ll look back trying to remember what you ever saw in him in the first place. 

(Years later…You’re still trying to figure that out.)

11) He didn’t break up with you cause you’re “hideous” & “boring” (God knows you’re anything but boring, crazy girl…) Get that outta your head. He broke up with you cause he’s a 19 year old male & you wouldn’t put out… & I am so proud of you for that, Sarah. I’m proud of you.

12) Clean your freaking room. As much as you hate cleaning… Somewhere deep (way, way, WAY deep) inside, it’s therapeutic. 

13) You’ll come to find that after every breakup or life changing event, you rearrange your room… This is the first time it comes into play. Enjoy!

14) Buy yourself flowers. You deserve it. 😘

15) Focus on school. Seriously. You need to. You’re so smart but you’re spending way too much time with the wrong people. Regroup. Take the time & energy you’re putting into missing him & hanging with these people… & redirect it towards your education (& especially that GPA, yikes). You have such potential… I know how much you want to give up & how most of the things you’re learning are irrelevant & don’t make sense… Stick with it. Your scholarship will pay for your first two years of college & then some.


Believe me now?

16) Don’t ever give someone the satisfaction of you begging for their attention or affection. Women never beg. You’ll never do this again, I promise you that. If they want to go, let them. You don’t need anyone who doesn’t need you, my dear. You’re worth fighting for.

Yeah, you’ll miss them, temporarily… & then you’ll forget their names… & they’ll continue kicking themselves & missing you. They frequently tell you so. You’ll be polite & say you miss them too… You’re lying.

17) Stop. STOP. Honestly. Take a breath. What did he ever do for you? Any decent human being wouldn’t let you go so easily, especially in the manner he did. He’s 19. What do you think the odds were of you two actually working out?

18) Don’t become who hurt you. That’s one pointer you’ve known all along. Keep that mentality.


PS: You’ll become friends again years later after he apologizes to you… But you’ll never feel for him again.

(He misses you. He still wonders “what if”. He regrets leaving. You haven’t thought about him in years. Safe to say you came out on top.)

From this one, you only get a lesson, not the man… But it’s a lesson that ultimately molds who you become. Without him, you’d be a little more weak, a lot more eager & dependent on another human being & a whole lot insecure. But listen to me, girly… Don’t you EVER allow yourself to be propped up by another. No one will ever be as sturdy for you as you can be for yourself.

Someday you’ll learn to love yourself… It’s a process, but you’ll get there…

Til then,

Know that I love & value you.


Each day is a new day to get it right… Make it happen, kid. You’re going places.

Sincerely,

23-year-old Sarah

Decoding

We all do it. We all have that someone or those someone’s who make us question if we’re ever gonna be together. Feelings are always one-sided, occasionally reciprocated just enough to keep you hanging on.

Guess what.

If someone wanted to be with you, they would be.

They’d do everything in their power to take you off the market… To make sure you were theirs & nobody else’s. To claim you by saying “he/she is mine“.

While, yes, there are some circumstances where someone who desperately wants you can’t be with you right now, but that’s so rare.

Guess what again.

It’s not you. It’s not them either, but most importantly you cannot blame yourself or criticize who you are simply because someone YOU were interested in wasn’t interested in you enough to take a shot on you. Their loss? Maybe. Your gain? Definitely. You should really be thanking them for not making you unavailable for someone who truly gives a damn about you, all you are & all you have to offer.

Let me reiterate something we’re often told, don’t you dare change for anyone… What would the point of that be? You’re who you are for a reason. Every experience, every decision, every moment, good & bad, has molded you… Has turned you into somebodies perfect somebody.

The key is to be confident in who you are. So what you don’t “fit” with a certain somebody? Doesn’t mean you won’t fit with anybody. It’s gonna hurt, so let it hurt… Then let it go & keep moving on. Cause life does that… It keeps moving (which is a scary, yet slightly comforting thing) no matter what the situation is, no matter how brokenhearted you are.

So next time you’re doubting whether or not there’s someone for you cause the person who had been tugging at your heart strings isn’t pulling them all the way… Remember to take a step back, reevaluate your situation (no emotions involved so you get the clear picture) & see it for all it’s worth.

Know that what you have to offer, someone else is accepting… Someone out there is looking for what you’re putting on the table… Don’t keep scraping your pockets in hopes of pulling out something that’ll catch a “potentials” eye…

 

It’s okay to fight for someone… If only they’d fight for you too.

 

& in reality… Anyone who wants to willingly stay or genuinely be with you won’t have to be fought for. They’ll be there cause they want to be.

 

“You’re A Closed Book”

they say.

“I can’t read you.”

“Why won’t you just say how you feel about me?”

“For being so outgoing, you sure are a mystery.”

Yeah, I’ve heard it all.

So I started thinking…

Am I afraid of expressing how I feel?
The act itself, no. What I’m afraid of is what happens after.

Rejection?
Nah. After that.

A relationship?
Mmm, more like the way that person you start to give a little piece of yourself your entire heart to then has the power to hurt you.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s even worth it… & of course it is, but only when you’re with the right person. Saying “I want to spend my life with you” is so simple & doesn’t mean much when you hear it (especially since it seems to be a prominent, repetitive line in chick flicks, dramas, & really any movie that involves a wedding or romance of any sort)… But think about it. Let that line sink in. I want to spend MY life… All however many years I’ll have on this planet… Every experience, every decision, every vacation, every triumph, every battle, I want you with meYOU.

& “you” is one helluva position to fill.

What’s the point of this post?

To encourage you to not let previous relationships, other peoples bad luck stories you’ve heard about throughout the years, or your own personal fears keep you from giving someone a chance. So what it didn’t work out with him/her/it/them? So what they lied to you. Cheated on you. Manipulated you. Took you for granted. Used you to their advantage. Etc. That doesn’t mean everyone will & that sure as heck doesn’t mean you should approach every potential significant other as if they’re the same as your last… As if they’re going to do the same things & treat you the same way you’re used to being treated. How can you be proven wrong when you don’t give someone the chance to prove themselves right?

The goal is to start learning how to open your book, our books. To teach ourselves that it’s okay to show a couple pages, to express how we feel about someone. To express anything.

Why?

Because it’s not fair to them that some asshole before them screwed you over. That some arrogant jerk got to you first before that special someone could treat you right & disprove the notion they’re “all the same”.

Personal Confession: I don’t trust anyone… & I HATE that. Whenever someone tells me how they feel, I second guess it & think they’re only words, that they have ulterior motives or they don’t really mean a thing. Usually, it’s not them, it really is me… cause sadly, it’s all I’ve ever known when it comes to relationships… Resulting in the fact that I’m nowhere close to opening up about how I feel about someone. It’s just not how I am. It’s always been difficult & taken me forever to even know if I have feelings for someone… & when I finally do attempt to express interest, it comes out wrong & I spend an eternity & a day trying to get it right… Resulting in me closing right back up & forgetting the whole thing. It’s more comfortable that way. But love isn’t supposed to be “comfortable”. You won’t get anywhere without taking chances & risking a little.

I’m not advising you to gamble with your heart, I’m advising you to gamble with your love life & to be confident in allowing yourself to put your emotions on the line… just a little bit. Cause ya know what? Just because your book may have been partially read, kicked around, mistreated & discarded by someone doesn’t for a second mean another someone (a special someone) will never see your story as being worthy of investment… of loving.

If you don’t allow someone the first couple pages, their only option is to part ways… Then neither of you will ever know how the story could’ve been.

Be more than just a cover. It’s okay.

I Hate Venting,

but need to for just a minute (; …

 

It’s so common for people to constantly be searching & jumping into relationships with the mentality that every one has the potential to be your next “ONE”. While this isn’t a horrible mindset, my question is… Why? What’s the point of rushing this part of your life? As the saying goes, “you can’t be happy with anyone til you’re happy with yourself“… That doesn’t mean that once you’re happy with yourself to go searching… Just means when the time comes, you’ll be ready.

When people are constantly searching, all it says is they don’t feel complete without somebody… As if to say, “I’m using YOU to fill this void I have & if you don’t fill it for me, I’ll move on to the next one I find who can patch me up a little better…” Personally, I don’t believe that’s how “love”, or even dating, was intended to be.

For some reason, many friends/people come to me for relationship advice (probably partially cause I’m blunt–oops), and I think it’s cause I’m honest with them about how ridiculous some of their situations are. Settling should never be an option. “Hooking up” is not a way of life. Constantly searching & consuming yourself with finding a significant other only takes away from living YOUR life to the fullest. & I strongly believe that.

Some people say they know from the minute they met their spouse/significant other/etc that they were the one… & that’s great! But not very common. There’s nothing wrong with getting to know someone before beginning a relationship. While yes, you DO learn a lot about someone when dating them, what’s wrong with knowing the basics about them BEFORE the commitment?

Maybe I’m too “picky”… But I’d rather be known as “picky” than someone who is constantly talking to someone new/in & out of relationships… & wavering, unstable & unhappy on my own. I LIKE being single. I LIKE being in a relationship… Either way, I really am happy… If someone comes in & sweeps me off my feet, that’s awesome. (: But I’m not looking for you… & I’m definitely not living to find you. I’ve got no voids to fill cause the Lord has filled those.

Let life be. Live each day with the mindset that it’s gonna be a great day & let that be enough. If it’s meant to happen, it will. Til then, relax & enjoy life for all it is. Your right person will come into your life on God’s time. Don’t keep jumping around in hopes of someone “clicking”… You’re unique & there’s something special about you… Stop giving that part away to all the wrong people & be patient for the right one. You’re not “too old” to find someone, there’s no time frame on love.

Sarah. Georgia. 22 Years & Counting…

While out & about in the city one night, there was a guy I met who gave me what is potentially some of the best advice on how to behave when first meeting someone or entering a foreign place.

His words: “Be a little mysterious“.

While those near & dear to me know being “mysterious” is not something one would ever use to describe me, I think I’ll take his words to heart…

For now, at least. (;

[ P.S.: How appropriate my first post be in the middle of the night/early morning considering I’m an insomniac. Then again, what amazing writers aren’t? (; ]

XO