I Love (HATE) The Gym

Do you ever get that urge to go to the gym cause you’re tired of being fat & out of shape? Oh, all the time? Yeah, me too.

Here’s the story. I’ve been struggling with getting the “body of my dreams” for almost 10 years. 10 YEARS. TEN YEARS. Have I succeeded? No. Am I almost there? No. Have I ever succeeded or almost been there? Yes! Okay… No.

I have a syndrome that caused me to gain a substantial amount of weight in a short period of time. Doctor after doctor told me it would be very difficult to lose… My metabolism was compared to the tortoise in that Tortoise & the Hare story. I was depressed about it for a very long time… But do you know what depression does? NOTHING. Except make you FATTER (okay, maybe that’s just me… I like to eat! I can’t help it). But do you know what happens at the end of The Tortoise & The Hare?

So… Therefore, I have decided that I’m going to win.

Rewind back to the beginning where I told you I have struggled with this incredibly loonnngggg journey of mine in the search for my beautifully sculpted bod. It’s simple really.

Let me tell you why. Most days, the gym is my own personal hell. I love it because I know what fitness can do for me. I know that exercise is great for my body, mind, & soul (or so that’s what all the fitness magazines & online articles that consume my Facebook newsfeed tell me)… But I also know that the elliptical kicks my ass. I know that my arms are tired from doing weights & my knees feel like toothpicks during lunges. I know that the girl in front of me on the treadmill was born with that figure that I’m envious of (you know… the one who shrinks right back up after she has had a baby like nothing ever happened… Like she didn’t just push a watermelon out of her tiny self. C’mon!) I know that I can do a whopping 5 push-ups (Fine… 5 of the “girl ones”).  I know that this Guido (Is that still a thing? Can I still use that word?) ridden place, along with a healthy (boring) change in how much I choose to consume & what I choose to feast on, can give me the healthy lifestyle the majority of us seek.

So, here I am… Week 4 of my change. This is approximately the 72nd “Week 4” I’ve ever had in an attempt to get fit, just so you know. But that’s beside the point.

I want it this time. Not for some guy… Not in hopes of living a life like those perfect characters on Gossip Girl (whom I love dearly)… Not for a job or cause it’s annoying being the chunky chick on a night out with friends… But I want it for me. I want to be healthy & have a banging body. I don’t want to look pregnant or feel like a kangaroo whenever I wear a damn romper. I want to prove my doctors wrong.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s hard. I know that. This is probably the most difficult challenge I’ve ever signed up for… But it’s one I don’t want to quit this time. I don’t want to walk away. I don’t want to give up cause it’s hard. I want to work for it & not give up when my body wants to shut down.

& I’m going do it.

Watch me.

“Because at the end of the day, I’m doing it for me.”