THIS IS ME.

This is me. The REAL me. 100% unfiltered, non-dolled up, haven’t even brushed my hair after showering…me.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

To post something like this, opening myself to criticism (even from myself) is a very difficult thing for me to do. But it’s honest.

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For as long as I can remember, my confidence & self image has been non-existent. The amount of self-doubt & self-HATE that I possessed for myself was so unhealthy to the point I cut off people I loved & who loved me because I didn’t feel worthy. I would avoid going anywhere, even to the grocery store, cause I was humiliated for people to have to see me.

I hated myself. I hated the “skin” I live in.

I gained a massive amount of weight in a short period of time from a hormone issue/endocrine disorder that consumed me & my mind for 12 years.

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But now, in this place of my life, I’ve come to love my crazy, wild hair that grows so slowly. I’ve come to not care about my thin eyebrows (they’re just that… Eyebrows). I’ve come to accept my knock-knees I inherited from my beautiful mama… & my “Lebanese nose”. I’ve come to realize that having uneven skin is just a part of life. I’ve come to the point where I don’t care that my thighs & “bat wings” jiggle cause I am beyond blessed to have properly working arms & legs. My belly is squishy, I’m pale, & I have cellulite on my thighs.

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But ya know what…?

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I love myself BECAUSE I am perfectly imperfect.

I LOVE MYSELF because I have a heart of gold. I love myself because I’m surrounded by amazing people who wouldn’t be there if I weren’t worth loving. I love myself because I was made by the King of Kings… The great I AM. I love myself because it’s too exhausting to kick myself down any more. I LOVE myself cause I now realize the things I once hated about myself are the very things that set me apart… That make me unique… That make me, ME.

 

I REFUSE to be so hard on myself. I REFUSE to think negative thoughts about who I am & especially what I look like. I REFUSE to let the people I love think I don’t hear them or that I’m not listening when they tell me I look beautiful… Or when they tell me they love me… Or when they try to remind me that I’m smart, gifted, & kind.
I refuse to hurt them by hating myself.
Why people put so much emphasis on looks, I will never understand… It has caused so many people to think less of themselves for not fitting this mold… It has caused ME to think less of myself.

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These things I hated for years about myself are NOT SO BAD. They’re not the end of the world.

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Hating yourself, telling yourself you CAN’T do something, that you’re not good enough, & being your own worst enemy… THAT is what’s bad. THAT will be your downfall.
So as nice as it is to hear people tell you they love you, I want YOU to look in the mirror & tell that person looking back at you that you love them… That they are valuable… That they are capable of anything they want to do with their life & that NO superficial “beauty standard” will EVER take away from their natural beauty.

This is easily the most revealing & hardest thing I’ve ever shared… But it has also been the most invigorating.
Love yourself. Believe in yourself. & most importantly, forgive yourself for not doing so sooner. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

xx.

I Hate Venting,

but need to for just a minute (; …

 

It’s so common for people to constantly be searching & jumping into relationships with the mentality that every one has the potential to be your next “ONE”. While this isn’t a horrible mindset, my question is… Why? What’s the point of rushing this part of your life? As the saying goes, “you can’t be happy with anyone til you’re happy with yourself“… That doesn’t mean that once you’re happy with yourself to go searching… Just means when the time comes, you’ll be ready.

When people are constantly searching, all it says is they don’t feel complete without somebody… As if to say, “I’m using YOU to fill this void I have & if you don’t fill it for me, I’ll move on to the next one I find who can patch me up a little better…” Personally, I don’t believe that’s how “love”, or even dating, was intended to be.

For some reason, many friends/people come to me for relationship advice (probably partially cause I’m blunt–oops), and I think it’s cause I’m honest with them about how ridiculous some of their situations are. Settling should never be an option. “Hooking up” is not a way of life. Constantly searching & consuming yourself with finding a significant other only takes away from living YOUR life to the fullest. & I strongly believe that.

Some people say they know from the minute they met their spouse/significant other/etc that they were the one… & that’s great! But not very common. There’s nothing wrong with getting to know someone before beginning a relationship. While yes, you DO learn a lot about someone when dating them, what’s wrong with knowing the basics about them BEFORE the commitment?

Maybe I’m too “picky”… But I’d rather be known as “picky” than someone who is constantly talking to someone new/in & out of relationships… & wavering, unstable & unhappy on my own. I LIKE being single. I LIKE being in a relationship… Either way, I really am happy… If someone comes in & sweeps me off my feet, that’s awesome. (: But I’m not looking for you… & I’m definitely not living to find you. I’ve got no voids to fill cause the Lord has filled those.

Let life be. Live each day with the mindset that it’s gonna be a great day & let that be enough. If it’s meant to happen, it will. Til then, relax & enjoy life for all it is. Your right person will come into your life on God’s time. Don’t keep jumping around in hopes of someone “clicking”… You’re unique & there’s something special about you… Stop giving that part away to all the wrong people & be patient for the right one. You’re not “too old” to find someone, there’s no time frame on love.