Double Texting

(PSA: Entirely written from a female-perspective since I’ve never been a male, yet have gathered they don’t always think as into things as most of us tend do… Or so I’ve experienced.)

 

You know what makes me laugh?

 
Dating.

I’m not talking about relationships… More so the stage before a relationship where you’re flirting with some cutie at the bar & swap numbers. & that’s the moment all the questions start popping in your head.
“Was he really as interested in me as he seemed?” “Should I text him first?” “Should I wait to get in touch with him?”
…”I bet he gives everyone his number.”
Anywho, you start chatting, things seem great, days worth of these easy back-and-forth convos… & then it happens…

HE. DOESN’T. RESPOND.

Great. So now you feel you’ve “lost” him (though in reality, you never really HAD him… Yet, at least).

 

You debate with yourself. “Do I double text? Do I let it go? Will he be in touch? If he doesn’t get in touch by 10PM tonight, should I reach out? But will I look desperate?!” You ask your friends, your mama, your sister, your friend’s second cousin’s former step brother’s girlfriend…

Honestly (& thankfully), I think I’ve only experienced anxiety about a guy not texting me back once, maybe twice, when I was like 16. Other than that, I’ve just always been around friends & randoms who’ve talked about it. But I DO remember the feeling.

 

 

(Looking back, I probably SHOULD have cared… Just a tiny bit more, at least. I’m absolutely sure I annoyed guys in the past [I’m guilty of having a hard time getting all my thoughts out in one text. Sometimes my wittiness decides to show itself 5 seconds post-initial text… & I just HAVE to say it cause I don’t know when I’ll be funny again]… But they annoyed me too by not responding! On the flip side, there were also several times when I was the one who didn’t respond. Early on, a double text is okay, but don’t quadruple it. That really is annoying. Calm yourself. I’ll respond… But maybe a little slower now since my phone won’t stop dinging & flashing your name… MOVING ON)…

Once you’re in a relationship, it’s a different story (especially when you’re approx. 4-6 months in). You’re feeling pretty secure, life is good, you’re super close to your S.O.

 
Being in an exclusive relationship gives you all the power in the world to double text, triple text, quadruple text, ETC!

If I’m chatting with my man & he stops responding (usually he’s either: working, sleeping, cooking, playing video games, hanging out with friends/family or showering—cause he’s obsessed with long showers, bless him)… I will text him 10 times, I don’t even care. What’s he gonna do? LEAVE me? Over the occasional excessive text?! Ha! HE LOVES ME. I can do whatever I want!!!!! –> (within reason) <—

& THAT, my friends, is power.

 

& sometimes my back-to-back texts to him won’t even be in regards to the same things. 😏

 

Again, flip side… I’m not clutching my phone in hopes he’ll promptly return my text & being anxiety ridden until he does, thinking of all the “stupid” things I just sent him. 84% of our conversations are stupid, I’m not really trying to “woo” him anymore… Doesn’t mean I don’t try to make sure our love stays strong, just that he knows & loves me enough to not leave me cause I send him two text messages in a row. I can’t help that when something funny or amazing happens, HE IS THE ONE I WANT TO TELL.

 

The beauty of relationships, people. Freedom of speech in abundance.

 

(I have ZERO advice in this post. Just really acknowledging the fact that if something were to ever happen & my fella & I split… I’d be screwed in the dating pool cause I have ZERO self control when it comes to holding back & strategically timed/spaced texts & conversations.)
Amen.

Decoding

We all do it. We all have that someone or those someone’s who make us question if we’re ever gonna be together. Feelings are always one-sided, occasionally reciprocated just enough to keep you hanging on.

Guess what.

If someone wanted to be with you, they would be.

They’d do everything in their power to take you off the market… To make sure you were theirs & nobody else’s. To claim you by saying “he/she is mine“.

While, yes, there are some circumstances where someone who desperately wants you can’t be with you right now, but that’s so rare.

Guess what again.

It’s not you. It’s not them either, but most importantly you cannot blame yourself or criticize who you are simply because someone YOU were interested in wasn’t interested in you enough to take a shot on you. Their loss? Maybe. Your gain? Definitely. You should really be thanking them for not making you unavailable for someone who truly gives a damn about you, all you are & all you have to offer.

Let me reiterate something we’re often told, don’t you dare change for anyone… What would the point of that be? You’re who you are for a reason. Every experience, every decision, every moment, good & bad, has molded you… Has turned you into somebodies perfect somebody.

The key is to be confident in who you are. So what you don’t “fit” with a certain somebody? Doesn’t mean you won’t fit with anybody. It’s gonna hurt, so let it hurt… Then let it go & keep moving on. Cause life does that… It keeps moving (which is a scary, yet slightly comforting thing) no matter what the situation is, no matter how brokenhearted you are.

So next time you’re doubting whether or not there’s someone for you cause the person who had been tugging at your heart strings isn’t pulling them all the way… Remember to take a step back, reevaluate your situation (no emotions involved so you get the clear picture) & see it for all it’s worth.

Know that what you have to offer, someone else is accepting… Someone out there is looking for what you’re putting on the table… Don’t keep scraping your pockets in hopes of pulling out something that’ll catch a “potentials” eye…

 

It’s okay to fight for someone… If only they’d fight for you too.

 

& in reality… Anyone who wants to willingly stay or genuinely be with you won’t have to be fought for. They’ll be there cause they want to be.

 

“You’re A Closed Book”

they say.

“I can’t read you.”

“Why won’t you just say how you feel about me?”

“For being so outgoing, you sure are a mystery.”

Yeah, I’ve heard it all.

So I started thinking…

Am I afraid of expressing how I feel?
The act itself, no. What I’m afraid of is what happens after.

Rejection?
Nah. After that.

A relationship?
Mmm, more like the way that person you start to give a little piece of yourself your entire heart to then has the power to hurt you.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s even worth it… & of course it is, but only when you’re with the right person. Saying “I want to spend my life with you” is so simple & doesn’t mean much when you hear it (especially since it seems to be a prominent, repetitive line in chick flicks, dramas, & really any movie that involves a wedding or romance of any sort)… But think about it. Let that line sink in. I want to spend MY life… All however many years I’ll have on this planet… Every experience, every decision, every vacation, every triumph, every battle, I want you with meYOU.

& “you” is one helluva position to fill.

What’s the point of this post?

To encourage you to not let previous relationships, other peoples bad luck stories you’ve heard about throughout the years, or your own personal fears keep you from giving someone a chance. So what it didn’t work out with him/her/it/them? So what they lied to you. Cheated on you. Manipulated you. Took you for granted. Used you to their advantage. Etc. That doesn’t mean everyone will & that sure as heck doesn’t mean you should approach every potential significant other as if they’re the same as your last… As if they’re going to do the same things & treat you the same way you’re used to being treated. How can you be proven wrong when you don’t give someone the chance to prove themselves right?

The goal is to start learning how to open your book, our books. To teach ourselves that it’s okay to show a couple pages, to express how we feel about someone. To express anything.

Why?

Because it’s not fair to them that some asshole before them screwed you over. That some arrogant jerk got to you first before that special someone could treat you right & disprove the notion they’re “all the same”.

Personal Confession: I don’t trust anyone… & I HATE that. Whenever someone tells me how they feel, I second guess it & think they’re only words, that they have ulterior motives or they don’t really mean a thing. Usually, it’s not them, it really is me… cause sadly, it’s all I’ve ever known when it comes to relationships… Resulting in the fact that I’m nowhere close to opening up about how I feel about someone. It’s just not how I am. It’s always been difficult & taken me forever to even know if I have feelings for someone… & when I finally do attempt to express interest, it comes out wrong & I spend an eternity & a day trying to get it right… Resulting in me closing right back up & forgetting the whole thing. It’s more comfortable that way. But love isn’t supposed to be “comfortable”. You won’t get anywhere without taking chances & risking a little.

I’m not advising you to gamble with your heart, I’m advising you to gamble with your love life & to be confident in allowing yourself to put your emotions on the line… just a little bit. Cause ya know what? Just because your book may have been partially read, kicked around, mistreated & discarded by someone doesn’t for a second mean another someone (a special someone) will never see your story as being worthy of investment… of loving.

If you don’t allow someone the first couple pages, their only option is to part ways… Then neither of you will ever know how the story could’ve been.

Be more than just a cover. It’s okay.